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Doing Time Too: What Nobody Tells You About Being a Prison Wife

BridgeInside Team

Doing Time Too: What Nobody Tells You About Being a Prison Wife

If you’re reading this, you already know: when he went in, part of you went with him.

They call it “doing time too,” and that’s exactly what it feels like. You’re serving a sentence nobody handed you. You’re in love, but you’re alone. You celebrate birthdays on phone calls. You spend holidays in waiting rooms.

And somehow, you keep going.

Nobody Understands This Kind of Distance

Here’s what your friends don’t get: This isn’t a long-distance relationship. This is something else entirely.

Long-distance couples text good morning. You check a website hoping there’s a message from yesterday. Long-distance couples FaceTime before bed. You schedule a 15-minute call and pray the system doesn’t drop it.

The loneliness is different because nobody can see it. You can’t explain why you’re crying at 2am. You can’t tell coworkers why you’re distracted. You learn to carry it alone.

You’re not alone in carrying it alone. There are millions of us. We just learned to be invisible.

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me

The First Month Is the Worst

The not-knowing. The waiting for the first call. The confusion about which website does what. The shame when you try to tell someone and see their face change.

It gets easier. Not easy—easier. You learn the system. You find your people. You develop routines that keep you connected.

You’re Going to Become Everything

Therapist. Banker. Secretary. Cheerleader. The entire support system.

When he’s having a bad day in there, you’re the one who talks him through it. When bills pile up out here, you figure it out alone. When kids ask questions, you find the words.

It’s exhausting. And you’re allowed to say that out loud.

The Judgment Is Real (But It’s Their Problem)

People hear “prison” and make assumptions. They think you’re naive. They think you’re desperate. They don’t see that you chose this with your eyes open.

“I didn’t settle. I didn’t compromise. I found love in a place nobody expected.”

Let them wonder. You know what you have.

You’ll Question Everything (That’s Normal)

There will be nights when you wonder if you can do this. When the countdown feels impossible. When doubt creeps in.

That doesn’t mean you’re weak or your love isn’t real. It means you’re human. Every prison wife has those nights.

The ones who make it through? They’re not the ones who never doubted. They’re the ones who kept choosing, even on the hard days.

What Actually Helps

Find Your People

Facebook groups. Support forums. Other prison wives who get it. These women will become your second family.

When your best friend doesn’t know what to say, they will. When you need to vent at midnight, someone’s awake. When you need to laugh instead of cry, they have the memes.

Where to find your people:

  • Strong Prison Wives and Families — 30,000+ on Facebook. Search for it. Real women, real support.
  • Prison Talk Online — Forum that’s been around 20+ years. Someone’s always awake.
  • Prison Families Alliance — Free monthly support groups, online and in-person
  • Essie Justice Group — Free program for women with incarcerated loved ones
  • Kairos Outside — Free weekend retreats for women going through this

These aren’t just resources. They’re your people.

Create Rituals

  • Same time every week for phone calls
  • A message you send every morning
  • A photo you put up where you see it daily
  • A countdown calendar you mark together

Rituals make the distance feel smaller.

Take Care of YOU

You can’t pour from an empty cup. The guilt of doing something for yourself while he’s in there—I know it. But you matter too.

Exercise. Therapy. Time with friends. Whatever fills you back up.

He needs you whole. The kids need you whole. And you deserve to be whole.

Stay Connected (However You Can)

The communication systems are frustrating. CorrLinks is stuck in 2005. The phone costs add up. But connection is everything.

Some families use bridge services that make messaging feel more like texting. Some stick with what works. Whatever keeps you close—do that.

Research shows that families who maintain frequent contact have better outcomes. Not longer contact—more frequent. Even a quick “thinking of you” every day matters more than one long call a week.

The Things Nobody Says Out Loud

  • It’s okay to be angry at him while still loving him
  • It’s okay to miss physical touch and grieve what you can’t have
  • It’s okay to be proud of yourself for doing this
  • It’s okay to have good days without feeling guilty
  • It’s okay to not be okay sometimes

You’re not betraying him by having a life. You’re not weak for struggling. You’re not wrong for staying.

To the Woman Reading This at 2am

I see you.

You’re exhausted. You miss him. You’re holding everything together while feeling like you’re falling apart.

Here’s what I want you to know:

You’re stronger than you think. Every day you wake up and keep going is proof.

This won’t last forever. I know it feels endless. But there’s a day on the calendar when this chapter ends.

You’re not alone. Millions of women are doing exactly what you’re doing tonight. We’re all waiting together.

And when he comes home? You’ll both be different. But you’ll have proof that your love survived something most people can’t imagine.

That’s not naive. That’s not desperate. That’s extraordinary.

What Comes Next

If you’re just starting this journey:

If you’re in the middle of it:

To every woman doing time too: You’ve got this. And you’ve got us.

This was written by someone who gets it.

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